Ask Amy: I’m tired of the drama and stress that comes from dealing with my family and wondering if I should just cut ties completely

Dear Amy: I am the youngest of three sisters and have always had a rough relationship with my mom and sisters.

I don’t fit in. They are all about drama.

Recently, I received a call from my dad, asking me to visit.

I was so stressed out the night before that I didn’t sleep. That morning, I almost threw up from so much anxiety about it. I never know what I’ll say that will set one of them off. Then the others follow suit.

I can’t ask them questions. Anything I do say gets used against me.

I have tried to give them a taste of their own medicine, but that only seems to increase the bullying.

I want them in my life because they are my parents and sisters, but I don’t want to walk on eggshells around them.

We have gone two years without talking before, and recently we went over a year with no contact.

The times I didn’t have them in my life were amazing. My relationship with my husband flourished. I wasn’t stressed. My daughters did well because I was happy enough to make sure they thrived.

I don’t know how to go about explaining this to them in a manner that doesn’t set them off, but I just don’t want them in my life.

Do I need to explain why, or do I just flat-out go no-contact?

What do I tell my dad? Do I block him too, even though he’s innocent? But he’s never defended me.

It’s always them against me. And dad just stays out of it.

– Confused by Family

Dear Confused: You outline the extreme anxiety you felt after accepting your father’s invitation, but you don’t say how the visit went.

My point is that for you, boundaries are essential. If you choose to spend any time with family members, you should always have an “escape plan” for when your anxiety rises.

Going no-contact is the nuclear option, but if you understand that it is necessary to escape being the family scapegoat for your own well-being, then that’s a choice you can make.

I do not suggest completely blocking contact with your father. You should gauge how this contact affects you on a case-by-case basis. If he uses his contact with you only to draw you back into the family maelstrom, then you should make that choice.

You might benefit from reading the personal memoir of Sherrie Campbell, a psychologist who has written extensively about surviving drama-filled and bullying families. Check out “But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath (2019, Morgan James Publishing).

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)